Oh hi there imaginary readers, it’s me again. I know I haven’t done one of these since before the Election, but then it’s hard to summon fun and frivolity when we’re facing a choice between {31 words deleted due to our need to have clients and in the interest of basic human decency, really, Ed.}. But now that we have a new President and things are settling down into the usual pattern of leftist over-reaction and melodrama that accompanies a Republican Administration I feel like the time has come to once again throw a few bad jokes out there and laugh at them myself, because no one else is reading this or would laugh if they did. So with that rambling preliminary, let’s talk about last week… Sunday was the Oscars, in which Hollywood liberals said Hollywood liberal things while I barely paid attention to what my wife was watching, which is about how I handle their actual movies too. Then they apparently botched the big award and had to change the result once La La Land was giving its victory speech. I think I saw Katherine Harris on stage during the chaos, but I could be mistaken. And this just in, La La Land spokesman Al Gore says they still have not conceded. Hey, at least my bad election joke was about 2000 which is better than most of the tweets Sunday night and Monday morning. Former Attorney General Eric Holder, who I believe is living in Obama’s pool house Kato Kaelin-style, emerged earlier this week to announce that Obama would be hitting the road to fight the evils of political gerrymandering. When asked whether he might not start with his home state of Illinois, Obama responded “where’s that? new phone.” While sitting in on a meeting with the leaders of historically black colleges and universities, Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway was spotted with her feet on the couch. Somehow this became a story as at least half of conservative twitter morphed instantly into my grandmother and bemoaned the evils of feet on the furniture. No word yet on if conservative twitter then complained about her haircut and clothing choices as well and demanded that we all eat dinner at Luby’s. On Tuesday, President Trump addressed Congress and said the magic words “klaatu barada nikto” thus instantly making America Great Again. Correction, the three magic words he actually said were “radical Islamic terrorism,” sorry about that. So that’s it, either the war on terrorism is over and we won or the terrorists (who have been strangely holding back this whole time because we didn’t say those three words) will suddenly be popping out of our mail boxes and refrigerators to kill us. Depends on who you ask. At Trump’s address to Congress, many Democratic Members of Congress dressed in white in a show of solidarity with women’s issues. Then they left in the third quarter and all headed to South Beach for mojitos and empanadas. Amazon S3 was borked for a while last Tuesday due to a typo. While for most of America this meant no giphy, hundreds of data scientists found themselves unable to work and emerged blindingly into the sun for the first time in years. Within hours of the event, Hadley Wickham added a geom_evil_yellow_ball geometry to ggplot2 to help us all process this strange phenomenon. On Thursday it came out that Jeff Sessions met with Russia’s ambassador while serving as a U.S. Senator. A number of Republican Senators came to Sessions’ defense saying it’s common for Senators to meet with foreign diplomats. A number of Democratic Senators said that they have never ever met with foreign diplomats. A number of foreign diplomats responded that most Democratic Senators just aren’t that fun to hang out with. Reached for comment, Joe Biden said, “dude, check out the new eight track player I just put in my Trans Am.”